5 Reasons Men Like Cougars

In my ongoing role as Cradle Robber #1, I date a lot of youngsters. In fact, I may or may not have recently been out on a date with someone born six years before I was. My dad likes to call these guys "crumb-snatchers" — as in, little people so young they are toddling on the floor, snatching at crumbs that have fallen.

My predilection for the babies — or shall we call it my cougar-erificness? — is probably not in need of much explanation. (And in a previous post, I talked about why I think the cougar-cub dyad may very well be the most reasonable way to sexually couple up.) But in case you still want me to get into why I like the tots, allow me to do so by describing the interaction I had with one of my neighbors on our front stoop the other night.

I said: "My friends think I like younger guys because I'm commitment-phobic and there's less of a chance of a serious relationship with a younger guy."

My neighbor said, "Whatevs! You just like younger guys because they're hotter."

My response? "Bingo!" (The fact that my neighbor is a full-fledged heterosexual male made this exchange all the more fun.)

What might require more dissection is this question: What's the appeal of the older woman to the younger male?

Over the years, the different babies I've dated have mentioned a number of things that make them dig older chicks. Here are the important ones:

1. Older chicks have more life experience. Which often means they make wiser decisions — like, they're less likely to make out with their boyfriend's best friend, and less likely to get so drunk that they throw up on their boyfriend's floor, and so on. That also means ...

2. They give better advice. They can help younger guys through career crises and family spats a little better.

3. They take better care of their health. They're more likely to have given up bad habits such as heavy boozing, smoking, and staying out all night long. They're more likely to be eating healthy foods and working out regularly. Sure, part of the impulse is vanity — they want to stay looking good! But doing things that are good for oneself — rather than going along with the crowd of revelers — helps to fortify one's sense of self-respect, which men find attractive.

4. They're less self-conscious about their bodies, which makes sex more fun. Time not only heals all wounds, it helps you get over all your anxieties about your looks, too. And when you're not interrupting every sexual encounter to ask him to turn off the lights, or making things a little too hot by refusing to do anything unless you guys have the sheet over you, things loosen up — and get a lot more fun.

5. They know what they like in bed and are less afraid to talk about it. Most people like to please their sexual partners. It gives them a sense of power and acumen (and, in some cases, provides a more altruistic satisfaction). When a woman can talk about what makes her happy, sexually, it makes it easier for a man to do the right things — which, in turn, helps him to feel satisfied. Plus, good sex is about intimacy, and when two people can discuss what they're into, it helps bring them closer.

Good news for those of us who are on the older side of young, isn't it?

And actually, it's good news for you female tykes out there, too. Hopefully, it'll help you realize that getting older isn't so bad. In the meantime, please enjoy your youth.