Anonymous Sex Worker Shares the 15 Strangest Things Men Have Asked Her to Do

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published 9 June 2017

The website Alternet has an engrossing series of articles written by an anonymous self-described former "survival prostitute." As the site explains it, survival prostitutes are:

The anonymous woman Alternet spoke to says she was driven by her drug habit but that now she's found recovery in a 12-step program. Here are some of the strangest stories about the johns she encountered:

1. Her first time. "My first exchange happened on a Saturday night when a guy who noted my high leather boots followed me into the vestibule of my apartment, crouched down and began licking my boot. In less than a minute he handed me money and left. I barely saw his face."

2. The brunch date. "[There's a] guy who comes to my apartment Saturday mornings with bagels and lox. His thing is setting up the brunch spread and having sex before we eat it."

3. The "can't always judge a book by its cover." "Even though [the guy] had a nice house and seemed like he might have a normal wife, he wanted me to strap on a dildo and tell him how tight he was."

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4. The total creep. "[One guy] actually created a peephole so his buddies could watch while I was working on him. He is missing digits on his fingers...He's the kind of person you would cross the street to avoid."

5. The guy who didn't want sex. "Dick K., who is a client of my printer, took me all the way to California with him on his business trip. I can't figure out why. He doesn't touch me though we sleep in the same bed."

6. The (several) guys who said they'd be sex workers if they were women. "Many [guys] have told me if they were a girl they would be doing just what I do."

7. The nice guys. "Most [guys] are more polite than guys I've dated either because they respect someone who makes more an hour than they do or because they know they're going to get it so they don't have to be defensive."

8. The lazy guys. "I sometimes think [the guys] pay so they don't have to feel guilty about just lying there and making someone else do all the work and not returning the favor."

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9. The dad-type. "Another of my regulars owns a hardware store where we sometimes do it. He pays me every week whether or not he sees me and actually calls it my 'allowance.' It is hard to square his fatherly manner with his lewd lifestyle."

10. The rich cheap guy. "Another of my regulars is a big hedge fund trader. I hear he is rich, but he pays no more than anyone else. In fact he pays less; he insists on meeting in a hotel room near financial row and deducts the room from my pay."

11. The scary situation. "I also won't do men in groups because they turn into rapes. You can control a one-on-one situation but you can't stag parties and drunks."

12. The cuddler. "In addition to sex [the guy] wants to cuddle which, even though he has technically paid for my time, irritates the hell out of me. I am speeding my ass off and the last thing I want to do is play statue with some needy stranger when I can't even smoke. This is agony."

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13. The guy afraid of his "loose female employee." "It's like my printer. I go by his print shop several times a week and we do it on the darkroom floor. And he always cautions me to use the client bathroom, not the employee bathroom, because one of his female employees is loose and might have an STD. Where does he think I have been all day, at the library?"

14. The guy who gave her a (stolen) car. "I was in California and this guy picked me up and said if I would spend the night with him, he would give me a car. Right—I really believe that. But much to my amazement, after a long night of performing oral sex on me even though a million women would allow that for free, there was a car. It was a Honda Civic and the reason he was giving it to me was it was hot."

15. Younger guys who steal. "Almost every guy thinks he's an exception and his ego doesn't want to let him pay...Younger guys are especially bad and I have had them steal back the money while I wasn't looking."

You can read the whole fascinating story of her life as a sex worker here.

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I write on Fox’s THE GREAT NORTH. Before that, I wrote and edited for Cosmopolitan magazine and the Jezebel blog. My writing has also appeared in the New York Times, The New Yorker, Esquire, VICE, Marie Claire, McSweeney’s, California Sunday, BUST, Elle, Village Voice, Harper’s Bazaar, LA Weekly, Eater, Fast Company, Mic, Atlas Obscura, and more. I co-host/co-produce a comedy/storytelling show on the first Friday of every month at Stories in LA. I have a degree in Film and TV from NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts.