Want to know the best way to get a guy's goat?
I've talked to a bunch of my friends and done some reflection and I've decided that the best way to bother us or get our attention is to flirt with a guy. You can make it worse by making us think that there's a chance you will hook up with this guy.
The reason this bothers guys so much must have to do with our competitive nature. You've seen us running around like idiots on the sports field, swigging brews in the bar watching our favorite football teams, or even getting into stupid fights at social events.
I've tried my hardest to swallow my pride and not care when a girl I like says, "So and so is hot." I feel like I look more secure with myself when I can just make a clever comment back or shake it off.
One time I was seeing this girl, and her friend from out of town visited. I was aware of his visit and fully prepared. While we were out, she spent a lot of time huddled at a table talking to him. I did my best to not care about it.
Eventually, my feisty New Jersey buddy from college came up to me and said: "Hey, don't worry about your girlfriend and that guy. I took care of it."
"What do you mean you took care of it," I asked, alarmed.
"I took care of it."
And he walked away.
Later on that night, my girlfriend was spitting out a litany of things I did wrong and capped it off with: "And please don't send your friends in to talk trash when I'm just sitting there talking to my old friend from my hometown!"
Oops. I probably should have kept better watch on my buddy. But all he was doing was responding to a universal thing that bothers guys: the possibility that the girl they are into might take interest in another guy.
We don't mind when you demand our time, when you are overly emotional, or when you get too drunk. But we do mind when we are forced to reveal that we are jealous of another guy in your life, or when you seem to be hitting it off with another guy.
A friend of mine recently told me that his birthday was ruined when his girlfriend spent a lot of time conversing with a guy in the bar. He lost it and flipped out on her. The alcohol probably didn't help his perception, but he would definitely agree that other guys bother us.
Another friend of mine once told me he goes for girls that he thinks no one else will be attracted to just to avoid the hassle — which explains
why he became obsessed over a girl who looked like Ichabod Crane. He even called her "Ichabod."
The hypocritical nature of guys is well known. We feel free to make comments about how hot a girl is, or talk to her and assume that it won't bother our girlfriends.
My theory on why we think this is okay has to do with the very fact that it is easier for girls to make out than for guys to make out. Guys feel a huge challenge every night in meeting girls and convincing them to be interested in them. It just seems like it's so much easier for girls to go out and meet guys because girls are just more clued in and don't have to try so hard. And we know, being guys, that guys are pretty much game to make out anytime, anyplace.
So, when we say: "That other girl is hot," we assume that the girl we are dating knows, just like us, that we basically have no chance to be with that girl.
When we see our girlfriend talking to another guy, we assume that she could easily go home with this guy if she wanted to.
Then, when we bring it up, we get in trouble because the girl thinks we are assuming she's a slut, or that we are being overbearing and insecure.
So, how do you want us to react when a guy is hitting on you or when you are having pleasant, friendly conversation with a guy? If we act like we don't care at all, do you feel a little neglected? If we get upset, do you feel like we are too overbearing? And, do you ever flirt with other guys strategically just to get our goat — because let me tell you, that usually works!