Things About Women That Freak Me Out

I don't think I'll ever understand women. The best I can do is master the things that make sense. I know certain things make girls happy. I know that it's important to give a girl I like attention, to treat her with respect, treat her how I would want to be treated.

But the other day I was thinking about things about women that I will never understand no matter how much I try to figure them out. Folklore has always preached not to go into the wilderness, because it was the unknown. It is human to fear the unknown.

So, I've listed things I don't understand about women...which basically means: things that freak me out about women:

Converging Menstrual Cycles - One of the most confusing, and miraculous things about women is the phenomenon where they all get on the same menstrual cycle if they are in close quarters together for an extended period of time. I suppose this makes things somewhat more convenient in sorority houses and such. I really don't know. I just don't get why/how it happens. And how long does it take before every girl in a given environment is on the same cycle anyway? A week? A month? I guess it's kind of like how yawning is contagious? I read that menstrual cycles were even linked to the moon cycles.

A Woman's Intuition - How come women are so good at keeping things neat and together? The other day I was demonstrating to my friend how I tied my shoes because she kept making fun of me for them coming untied all the time. She showed me a new method, and suddenly my shoes come untied no more. I think I know how to match things, but when a girl comes along and sets me straight, I realize I just don't have a very good eye for that. No matter how neat I try to be, a girl will always be neater- female grace and precision is powerful, and sometimes intimidating.

Estrogen - This is a chemical that must be kept away from terrorists, and under close supervision. In the wrong hands, evil doers could harness its explosive qualities to do harm to the entire human race. OK, maybe it's not that combustible, but estrogen will always keep me in check. One week I say something that a girl thinks is funny. The next week I say the same thing and she gets really mad at me. Estrogen is so unpredictable.

Tough To Satisfy - I've already told you that men are simple, women are complex-and this transfers to the bedroom. So the G-spot is supposed to be instrumental in bringing a woman to orgasm but no one really knows where it is, and it might not even be a real entity.

The Mothering Instinct - It's fine when a girl is balancing my checkbook or keeping me in line, but sometimes the mothering instinct boils over. Whenever we see a baby, naturally, we'll fawn over how cute the baby is. But then girls around me come out with statements like:

"Oh my god I need a baby now."

"Ugh, I can't wait to have a baby."

I agree, being a parent is going to be an amazing experience, but slow down! I think I need to learn to tie my shoes really well before I have a little one in my life.

The Grudge - Man, can women hold a grudge! Guys have conflict and usually move on pretty fast. But, girls-they don't forget. And getting back in her good graces will take time and energy. I really admire female attention spans. I don't have a long enough attention span to sustain anger for more than 15 minutes.

I hope you don't think I'm disrespectful, I don't mean to be. I'm just writing about things I don't understand, so I'm just making visceral observations. But, if you could choose one thing about guys-behavior, habits-that you don't understand and that you ultimately find odd, what would it be? And don't say our obsession with sports because that's a totally normal obsession!