There Are Reportedly Secret \201cBooze\201d Tunnels Under St. James’s Palace

You know how in all those British spy movies there are secret tunnels and rooms that appear behind bookcases when you pull a hidden lever and whatnot? Well, according to Princess Eugenie’s husband Jack Brooksbank, that’s an actual thing and the Queen has one under St. James’s Palace and it leads to a very expensive bar.

Let’s back up. Richard Eden, the royals editor for the Daily Mail, wrote a piece for the paper that recounted a conversation he had with Jack Brooksbank, whom Princess Eugenie married in 2018. Eden explains—in a story that is positively wild—that Brooksbank, who was hosting a party for tequila brand Casamigos when the two ran into one another, told him that among the presumably myriad tunnels in and out of the Palace, there is one that goes to Duke’s Bar, the fancy bar inside of the Dukes Hotel. “I haven’t used it yet,” Brooksbank reportedly told Eden of the tunnel. “But I’d love to check it out.” Eden posted the piece in a tweet:

Of course, it’s well-known that the Queen has secret passages. I mean, St. James's is a palace used by actual monarchs—if it didn’t have secret tunnels the British people should get some kind of tax rebate or something. But Brooksbank claims that there is a passage that goes straight to a bar, and that this bar serves a £15 martini. The story also includes the detail that Brooksbank got in trouble with his Casamigos cohorts for telling people that the tequila “doesn’t give you hangovers,” when he should have said “drink responsibly.” Wow.

Let’s break down the most surprisingly elements of this story, from least to most shocking (David Letterman-style, if you will):

5. There are secret passageways in the Palace.

4. Casamigos doesn’t give you hangovers. I can't imagine this is true, but I volunteer to find out.

3. A bar in London sells a £15 martini and people will actually buy it. Like, to drink.

2. There is a secret passageway that leads from the Palace to a bar.

1. Jack Brooksbank sells Casamigos tequila? Alongside George Clooney and Cindy Crawford's husband Rande Gerber? The internet says he is the tequila's "UK ambassador," so does that mean when he got in trouble it was George Clooney sending him an exasperated text? How are they friends? And what is it with famous people and liquor brands?

This story truly has everything: Palace intrigue, royal secrets, booze. It asks more questions than it answers, and it makes Jack Brooksbank sound like a fun person to have at parties.

Anyway, the Queen works hard and I hope she let's herself enjoy a rather expensive martini from time to time.