Posted in:
January 7, 2009 12:19 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
As a continuation of the previous post, here are some of the stereotypes that guys have about women:
Women are crazy.
I
tried for a long time to make sense out of women's actions and
statements. Once I accepted that women were "crazy," (many older guys
had insisted they were for years) it seemed to take a huge load of
pressure off me. No longer was I trying to rationalize moves that
women made that got me into crazy analysis cycles. When I just throw
it all out the window and dismiss it as "crazy," it makes it easier to
deal. We don't really think women are insane, we just say it so we can
be done thinking about their antics and move on.
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Posted in:
January 6, 2009 2:49 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
I took a lot of random courses in college, but the on of the most
random was "Religion and the American Wilderness". This History course
was based on the early settlers and their fear of the American
wilderness as they pioneered into the unknown. In European folklore,
the wilderness represented the unknown and was an extension of mystery,
magic, and even evil (see Hansel and Gretel).
In reflection, I
realize that the European stereotype of the wilderness mirrors our
stereotypes of the opposite gender. In a sense, the opposite gender is
the unknown, and it's mysterious.
We spend a lot of time trying
to figure out what the opposite gender is thinking and doing.
Stereotypes grow out of lack of understanding of a group of people.
Looking back, I realize that my "8 Ways I'm Like a Woman" post was
based on stereotype. Men and women fall into the trap of stereotyping
one another because they will never truly understand one another-but
this mystery also keeps us intrigued.
In this post, I'm going
to explore some stereotypes that women have about guys. Then, in the
next post, I'll take a look at stereotypes that guys have about women.
What women think about us...
We are all out for sex.
Sadly,
sometimes this is true. A lot of guys are after one thing, and they
can be very transparent about that. From the time I was in middle
school, the older guys talked about conquest and "getting laid" as a
measurement for how much of a man I was. This belief is passed down
again and again. Luckily, at some point, I figured I'd use other
things to define my manhood, or I just didn't care about being a "man"
in the eyes of other men.
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Posted in:
January 5, 2009 11:56 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
Some say the human body is a miracle, the epitome of creation. I would
argue against this. Upon further review, the human body can be
downright disgusting.
My body betrays me during intense moments
on the spot, such as first dates or fancy nights out. Here is a list
of the ways my body betrays me and makes me look disgusting to my date:
Constant Nose Running
Nose
running is intensified by hot/spicy food or cold weather. It's really
tough when you're at a nice restaurant where they only give you those
fabric napkins. I can get away with blowing my nose on paper, but
blowing a snot wad into one of those fabric napkins is pretty foul.
Another volatile thing about a runny nose is if the snot is thin it
runs fast, and sometimes falls off before I even get a chance to stop
it. Even if I can get to the bathroom, and do my best cleaning job,
sometimes there is crusty residue or "bats in the cave". I actually
feel a little less awkward when my date just points out my boogers. At
that point, the gloves are off and it's all out in the open.
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Posted in:
December 31, 2008 10:10 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
A few months back I was surprised to find out that one of my friends
had seen a prostitute. Perhaps I'm in the dark, but I thought that
most of the guys I knew would never go see a prostitute.
But it made me wonder, why do men pay for sex?
An
article I recently read goes over a lot of proposed reasons that men
pay for sex, but the main reason I believe men pay for sex is that
these men are looking for way to dominate women.
A while back I
read that Howard Stern was going to run a contest for men to buy the
chance to take a 22-year old woman's virginity in exchange for paying
for her college tuition. It crossed my mind that some rich guy could
probably just step forward and straight up pay for her tuition without
requiring sex from her. Why not just do that?
It may be because
sex is not the end all be all for me, but it's just not something that
I would pay for. Neither is companionship. I thought that sex and
companionship were intangible things that you could not put value on.
Buying sex for me would be the same as buying success, straight A's, or
love-all things that require work and passion.
Isn't sex supposed to be something that's earned, and something that is mutual?
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Posted in:
December 27, 2008 10:04 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
The main symptom that contributes to drunk mistakes is loss of judgment. If you can somehow train yourself to take a deep breath and try to find some rationality somewhere in your drunk mind, you may just be able to avoid these mistakes:
Drunk dialing/texting
At some point in the evening, we think it's OK if we suddenly sabotage someone's voicemail or text inbox. The worst thing about drunk texting is that it's all right there in writing, GUILTY! But voicemails are awful too. My friend from work got a call from her drunk Southern ex-boyfriend who said what he wanted to "do to her" (not with her) in graphic detail. Everyone in our office listened to it. Even I (King of Bathroom Humor and Duke of Sexual Harassment) felt offended. At the end, he was kind enough to explain:
"I'm drunk in Sarasota."
Amazing! What a nice touch to add that he was in Sarasota. I guess this explained his mistake: everyone phone-sex with voice mailboxes when they are in Sarasota.
I am damaging when I'm drunk with a guitar in my hand. If I am pre-gaming in my darkly lit room before meeting friends with my guitar and my iTunes playlist, I get more and more emotional. Then I pick up my guitar and call my friend (I'm lucky-she's designated herself as the sacrificial lamb) and I sing horrific covers tunes. I believe that last one I did was "Somebody's Baby" by Jackson Browne.
I firmly believe there is no cure for drunk dialing. You can only manage it and hope that outbreaks don't occur.
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Posted in:
December 27, 2008 9:33 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
I recently read some literature that disproved the notion that suicide
rates increase during the holiday season. That is all fine and good,
but I did some soul searching walking home from work 12/23 about why I
suddenly felt depressed and out of touch with the holidays this year.
NYC
is beautiful when all lit up in holiday cheer. The strange thing about
happiness all around is that it can contribute to making someone who is
lonely or depressed even more lonely or depressed.
There were
a few ways this year that I could have done to avoid this
mini-depression that hit me. I could have gone out more with my
friends, I could have gone on some dates to experience the holiday
spirit-even just walks or a cup of coffee.
The other day my
sister and I went out with my friend and a girl he was trying to help
find a job. Just walking around was refreshing, even though by then
the snow had turned ashy. The bottom line is that I only walked out
like this once-on this day-from Thanksgiving until I went home to see
my parents on Christmas Eve. I have to ask myself why I only took one
walk like this in five weeks.
Remember the Grinch, when the narrator tries to analyze why he was so mean:
A. Shoes Too tight
B. Head Not Screwed on Right
C. Heart two sizes too small
I did the same reasoning in my mind on my way home from work that day, and came up with the following:
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Posted in:
December 26, 2008 10:28 PM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
I watched about two weeks of gift-giving over the last half of December
and I've talked to a lot of friends about the quandary they go through
when selecting gifts for the opposite sex. So, let me give you five
types of gifts that you can't go wrong with...
Keep in mind
that most guys are very practical, and they don't like to deviate from
what they need, or want so much that it feels like a need. So, try to
avoid "I thought you'd like..." and go more with "I knew you'd like..."
Remember, we see things in black and white: we either want something, or we don't.
Keep
tabs on what your guy wishes he had. A lot of people think it's
unimaginative to just buy what someone has already admitted they
wanted, but would you rather go out on a limb and fall off, or give him
the best thing he could get?
Here is a list of no-fail gifts for guys:
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Posted in:
December 23, 2008 12:20 PM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
I have always found myself getting closer to girls as the crispy fall
weather sets in, and I look forward to having a date at holiday parties
and catching the holiday sights with a special girl.
However, upon further review,
I have uncovered some quandaries that the holidays present. Here are
some pitfalls that the holidays bring every year for couples and
singles:
Where do we go?
My family has Christmas
traditions that are so embedded in our psyches that these traditions
are immovable forces. Now, as people get married in our family, we
have to consider other families' holidays. Most couples I know do the
Thanksgiving/Xmas tradeoff: the wife has the husband join her family
for Thanksgiving, and the husband has his wife join his family for
Xmas. Then they swap the holidays the next year. When families live
near one another things are easier, but holiday plan negotiations can
definitely cause conflict.
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Posted in:
December 19, 2008 3:50 PM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
A lot of you have advised me to lay off the liquor to increase my
success with girls. I have to say that I basically agree with this
sentiment.
But is there a point where a bit of a buzz actually
helps loosen me up, and makes me more assertive? I decided to map out
how I react to drinking on a given night, and try to figure out where
everything starts to go wrong:
1-4 Drinks
I'm kind of a
lightweight, so alcohol gets to me quickly. At this level, I'm
actually pretty effective. This is where I start to loosen up and feel
more at ease. I usually don't have too much trouble on an average
night, but a little buzz will help me start to meet girls in a crowded
bar or a party full of people. When it's loud and crowded, drinking
helps take that edge off and helps me blend in with the crowd. The key
here is that I'm still speaking at regular volume, and capable of
making intelligent, clever jokes/conversation.
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Posted in:
December 18, 2008 3:15 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
I warned you of my impending lameness at last week's dating auction.
Upon arriving, I noticed Burberry (yes, I'll spell it correctly this time around) Scarf girl looking radiant and confident as ever. We exchanged a little small talk and I made my disclaimer: I would only bid up to $80, and then give up.
With credit cards saturated with charges, upcoming holidays (and two nieces who will get the world for Xmas), and poor financial management, I just can't afford to spend more than $80 on buying a date.
Burberry Scarf went for about $125-way out of my price range! I felt powerless as I dropped my bid flag.
To make matters worse (or maybe better for me) Burberry Scarf was creeped out by her top bidder. Many of the girls went to guys that knew them in some way, but Burberry scarf was not so lucky.
"A lot of good you did me," she joked after the auction. I told her:
"I'll just ask you out for free." Besides, that's $80 more I could spend on the actual date. So we'll see what happens.
But it got me thinking...could I-financially blasé as I am-actually be feeling the effects of the recession?
To eliminate the excuse that being with a girl is too expensive, and to make due during trying financial times, I put together some recession dating ideas:
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Posted in:
December 17, 2008 2:21 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
Want to know the best way to get a guy's goat?
I've talked to a bunch of my friends and done some reflection and I've decided that the best way to bother us or get our attention is to flirt with a guy. You can make it worse by making us think that there's a chance you will hook up with this guy.
The reason this bothers guys so much must have to do with our competitive nature. You've seen us running around like idiots on the sports field, swigging brews in the bar watching our favorite football teams, or even getting into stupid fights at social events.
I've tried my hardest to swallow my pride and not care when a girl I like says "so and so is hot." I feel like I look more secure with myself when I can just make a clever comment back or shake it off.
One time I was seeing this girl and her friend from out of town visited. I was aware of his visit and fully prepared. While we were out, she spent a lot of time huddled at a table talking to him. I did my best to not care about it.
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Posted in:
December 16, 2008 11:01 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
I do not get along well with condoms.
The invention itself makes sense: let's create a covering for the penis that will catch anything that would contribute to unwanted pregnancy. Furthermore, this wrapping will help prevent transmission of STDs.
OK, condoms are actually really cool. They help prevent things I'm very afraid of, and they are necessary for safe sex. Hey, even that little reservoir tip at the end of the condom is a nice little nuance-you know they made them without that first!
Condoms (as we know them) are all about prevention. But the perfect condom would also prevent the following:
- Goes on automatically
- Emulates every day objects
- Is sold everywhere
It would prevent the following:
READ MORE
Posted in:
December 15, 2008 9:15 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
I thought I would outgrow enjoying the thrill of the chase, but I can't get over it.
Most guys go out there with the goal of getting laid.
Lately, all it takes for me to feel total accomplishment is having a girl call me "cute," or "funny". At that point, I can leave the bar, stop by the diner for late-night-eats, and lie down alone knowing that someone out there found me attractive.
I'm sure a lot of you get frustrated that guys seem to lose their passion when they have finally started dating you. Here are some reasons guys love the thrill of the chase:
READ MORE
Posted in:
December 12, 2008 10:36 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
One of my biggest goals in life is to prove my friend Margaret from work wrong, and beat her in every single argument we ever have.
We know so much about one another, it makes it easy for us to pick on each other and find advantages in battle. The sad thing is that when new employees join our group, they always assume:
"Either they hate one another, or they are dating."
It's weird that people can find such a fine line between hatred and dating, but I know plenty of couples that enjoy picking on one another in a playful manner.
Then there are real arguments and fights. These are the ones that I wonder about. Is fighting actually healthy for a relationship?
READ MORE
Posted in:
December 11, 2008 11:39 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
With iTunes I can program an entire list of songs to play in case I'm lucky enough to bring a lady home. The iTunes playlist on my computer is entitled "Passout." Classy, right?
But I need to avoid the plight that happened to one guy my friend Margaret was making out with. When they started to makeout, he smoothly pressed "shuffle" on his iTunes and eventually Hanson's "Mmbop" polluted the room.
My shuffle would be even more dangerous: I have Disney songs, disgusting rap songs and the entire clay-mation "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" (holiday classic) soundtrack in my iTunes. So, unless I was with a girl named "Clarisse," it probably wouldn't be the best idea for "There's Always Tomorrow" to pop on, mid-makeout.
Margaret mentioned to me that she likes to makeout to "Your Body Is A Wonderland," by John Mayer. I really hate him. I gave her another shot and she mentioned Tim McGraw. I don't know much about country, but the last thing I need to hear is some guy lamenting his girl who left him because he drank too much whiskey.
So when Margaret put me on the spot by asking what I would put on my makeout mix, I felt inclined to share. Hopefully some of you can download some of these tunes and share your thoughts:
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